I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
