OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
