Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.

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(914): View more from New York

i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.

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(419): View more from Ohio

then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"

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(214): View more from Texas

I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese

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(256): View more from Alabama

Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG

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(609): View more from New Jersey

My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.

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