id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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