I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
