youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I will die if light touches me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
