it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
