She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
