Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
