So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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