Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
