This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
