I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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