good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
