So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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