Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
