Apparently you make a good broom.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I just sharted jello shots
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
