there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
