I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
