I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
