im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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