we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
