Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
