One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
