2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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