I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
