Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
