If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
