fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
