I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
