Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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