ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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