I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
