Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How naked do you want me to be?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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