Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
