Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
