Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
