you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
