It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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