Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
