Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
