Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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