I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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