I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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