I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
