If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
