My entire life is one complicated drinking game
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
