Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
