Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
