you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
