As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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