I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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