i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
