Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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