Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
