I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We left the knife in your bed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
