Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
