So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
