Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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